They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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