i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
