Whod you bang
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
