I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
