and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
