he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He has the fingertips of a God
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