So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
