Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This is my gift to your gina
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
