so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
