he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
