Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I checked into jail on foursquare
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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