can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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