i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
