get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
