I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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