I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
