toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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