If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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