dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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