We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
