sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
