If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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