I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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