Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
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