Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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