I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
