I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
