I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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