Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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