Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The air taste purple.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
