At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
