It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
