I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
