Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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