I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
