I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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