Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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