Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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