I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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