you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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