Don't you send me to vm
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
