Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize