I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
