I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
In America we eat man semen.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
