Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
