Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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