Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
