a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
