he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
