this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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