When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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