walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
